Joke of the day

[Poboy kartman]

Two Texans are driving and cross the Oklahoma border....They are speeding and get pulled over by an Oklahoma cop.....

The driver gets mouthy with the officer.....who opens the door....pulls out the driver and beats the crap out of him.....

He then walks around to the passenger side....pulls him out and proceeds to beat the crap out of him.

The passenger says: " But officer....I didn't do anything. ..."

The officer responds: "I'm from Texas....and I know how you are. ....you wouldn't have gotten 1/2 a mile down the road before you'd have told your buddy......" I wish he'd of tried that crap on me....."

 

[firemanjim]

THAT'S funny........

 

[OzFab]

A cop pulls over a lawyer for running a stop sign. The lawyer argues that he did stop. The officer explains that "at a stop sign, your vehicle needs to come to a complete stop, yours did not..."

"Well, it was almost a complete stop" the lawyer replies.

"But it wasn't a complete stop, sir" the cop rebutts.

"Ok" the lawyer says, "if you can demonstrate to me, right here, the difference between a complete stop & almost stopping, I'll pay the fine & donate $5000 to the policemans charity fund".

The cop thinks for a bit then says "please step out of your vehicle & move the the rear of your vehicle, sir".

The lawyer complies, at which point the cop lets loose & starts beating the lawyer with his baton.

"WHAT THE HE11 ARE YOU DOING?" cries the lawyer. "STOP!"

To which the cop responds "Now, sir, would you like me to come to a complete stop or just almost stop?"

 

[Poboy kartman]

A game warden suspects a local red-neck of illegally taking fish....He asked him why he always seemed to get so many fish......

He said "It's pretty simple. ...I'm going tomorrow.....come with me and I'll show you.

So the next day they are out on the lake and the red-neck opens up a cooler full of dynamite. Here's how I do it. ....he tells the game warden. ...

He grabs one and hands it to the game warden. Then the game warden begins to explain that this is highly illegal and he is in big trouble.

Meanwhile. ...the red-neck has lit the fuse on the dynamite......

He says to the game warden. ..." Are you going to sit here and talk all day.....or fish?"

 

[Poboy kartman]

So a game warden comes across an old man he suspects of poaching undersized fish.......He says: "I've got you now .....and the evidence is right here in this 5 gallon bucket of undersized fish. ...."

Oh no.......replies the old man.....and continues: "You don't understand. ......these are my pet fish.....and every day I bring them down for a swim in the river......after a while. ....I give a signal and they jump back in the bucket and go home. ......

So the game warden is tantalized....he wants to see this.....

So the old man dumps the undersized fish in the river.......20 minutes passes and the game warden finally says: "When do you call them back? "

"Call who back?" replies the old man. ...."Why the fish....." replies the game warden. ......

The old man replies: "What fish?"

 

[machinist@large]

So a game warden comes across an old man he suspects of poaching undersized fish.......He says: "I've got you now .....and the evidence is right here in this 5 gallon bucket of undersized fish. ...."

Oh no.......replies the old man.....and continues: "You don't understand. ......these are my pet fish.....and every day I bring them down for a swim in the river......after a while. ....I give a signal and they jump back in the bucket and go home. ......

So the game warden is tantalized....he wants to see this.....

So the old man dumps the undersized fish in the river.......20 minutes passes and the game warden finally says: "When do you call them back? "

"Call who back?" replies the old man. ...."Why the fish....." replies the game warden. ......

The old man replies: "What fish?"

"SENIOR MOMENTS, BRAIN FARTS...."

 

[Poboy kartman]

3 old men are sitting around talking in an old folks home......The 60 year old says:" You know. ....I really miss taking a good leak in the morning. " The 70 year old says: " Well I really miss taking a good dump."

The 80 year old says..." Boys....every morning about 5:30 I take a good long pee......then about 7 a good healthy dump.........what I miss is waking up before 8.

 

[Felineman]

OUCH I'm gonna laugh at you because we all get that old sooner or later