Joke of the day

[Felineman]

The sky was blue
The moon was high
We were alone
Just her and I

Her hair was black
Her eyes were blue
She knew just what
She wanted me to do

Her face was good
Her body was fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine

So with courage
I did my best
I put my hand
Upon her breast

I trembled with shock
I felt her heart
Slowly I spread
Her legs apart

I knew she was ready
But I didn't know how
It was my first experience
At milking a cow

 

[Poboy kartman]

OK- Just a quickie:

Why do you have to be quiet in church?

Because people are sleeping. ........

 

[Poboy kartman]

Turns out a client pushed back a meet date so I have a few minutes:

President Obama steps off Air Force One with a piglet under each arm. A marine snaps to attention and quips: "Nice pigs, sir."

Obama responds-" These aren't just pigs, they are purebred Polynesian. ...I got one for Michele and one for Joe Biden."

The marine answers back: " Excellent trade sir!"

 

[landuse]

This thread is going to be policed VERY well. Through experience these types of threads go one way extremely fast. This is a family orientated forum, and we will keep it as clean as possible.

I was going to close this thread after reading the first post, but let's see what the other mods have to say

End of PSA

 

[J_Walker]

This thread is going to be policed VERY well. Through experience these types of threads go one way extremely fast. This is a family orientated forum, and we will keep it as clean as possible.

I was going to close this thread after reading the first post, but let's see what the other mods have to say

End of PSA

You're only allowed in this thread if you've spent 300$ on a comet 40 torque converter!

 

[Felineman]

OUCH 300 on a clutch YA BAD JOKE.

 

[Poboy kartman]

This thread is going to be policed VERY well. Through experience these types of threads go one way extremely fast. This is a family orientated forum, and we will keep it as clean as possible.

I was going to close this thread after reading the first post, but let's see what the other mods have to say

End of PSA

You are absolutely correct. It wouldn't surprise me if this did become a problem. I mean 95% of the jokes I know can't be posted here. ....

 

[Poboy kartman]

Anyway- From the 5% pool:

People from Texas A&M university are known as Aggies (the A stands for agriculture) and are the brunt of many a joke here in Texas portraying them as someone well short on brains. .......

So a newbie farmer calls A&M and says he's been trying to grow chickens with no success.

The aggie asks what he has been doing. The farmer replies: "First I planted them 2" deep heads up.....they never even sprouted. So then I tried heads down but only 1" deep and they didn't sprout either. ....So then I buried them heads up but only halfway....they did OK....but they didn't grow and died after a few days."

The aggie thought for a second and then said: "Tell ya what- why don't you send us a soil sample......"

 

[Felineman]

Sounds like a newfie farmer joke

 

[Doc Sprocket]

This thread is going to be policed VERY well. Through experience these types of threads go one way extremely fast. This is a family orientated forum, and we will keep it as clean as possible.

I was going to close this thread after reading the first post, but let's see what the other mods have to say

End of PSA

Close. REAL close. I'll let that one slide, but we're not going to get any closer to that invisible line. Remember people, we have a very diverse demographic, kids included.

 

[Poboy kartman]

Close. REAL close. I'll let that one slide, but we're not going to get any closer to that invisible line. Remember people, we have a very diverse demographic, kids included.

I thought the same thing. ...wrong way to start a thread of this type. ....That's why I threw out a few in a different direction.....

Even the first one I posted could be trouble....if it were directed to any one religion. .....

And sorry to say- but I didn't find the OP that funny.....especially since cows don't have breasts.....I found it udderly useless.....

 

[Felineman]

You had to go there? NO UDDER JOKES

 

[Doc Sprocket]

Now you're just milking it.

 

[Felineman]

PFFFFT I posted this in memory of my mother that collected cows. She was the crazy cow lady. Guess you have to be crazy to appreciate it.

 

[Poboy kartman]

PFFFFT I posted this in memory of my mother that collected cows. She was the crazy cow lady. Guess you have to be crazy to appreciate it.

LOL- So did my ex.....cows and paychecks.....I'm just happy they weren't real cows, and sad the paychecks were (and mine) Oh well- I am a collector as well. ....so I guess I have no room to talk.....

My most ambitious collecting hobby is debt.....I seem to have a real talent for it.......Outside of that. ....I guess it's wild animals. ....

Every time I caught one (and I'm good at it. ...) she would always say immediately: " We're NOT keeping it! " Drove me up the wall......"Please. ....Please. ...I promise I'll take care of this one all by myself. ........

Treated me like a kid.....I swear...it made me want to run away from home. ....and take all my video games and plastic models with me.....

Not to mention my pets.....and I would have too! But then I would have to feed them and clean their cages......

Why do I get the feeling I should be posting this in green or purple?

 

[Felineman]

LMFAO nice

 

[Poboy kartman]

Yep- only one left. ....I got rid of all the rest. ...including the mother in law. ...

 

[Doc Sprocket]

Oh, MAN! For the briefest of moments, I'd thought you'd managed to find a picture of my sister-in-law there. Scared me. Had to click the thumbnail to be sure. Nope. THAT one has a clock...

 

[Poboy kartman]

Yep- and just like my sister in law.....doesn't work......

 

[OzFab]

OK,

A cop pulls over a car doing 22km/h in a 60 zone & threatens to fine the driver for obstructing traffic. He notices the car is driven by a woman in her 70s, with three passengers of the same age group; all the passengers were as white as a sheet...

The old woman tries to explain to the cop "22 is the speed limit; look, there's a sign right there."

The cop looks at the sign & says "that's not the speed limit, that's the route number."

The woman replies "Oh, I'm so embarressed, now I see the difference..."

The cop then asks the driver "So, why do you friends look like they've had the fright of their lives?"

The driver responds "We just left route 196..."