Looking for a little advice with relationships

[J_Walker]

My current thoughts on it are that I didn't do anything to warrant an 'instant' breakup like it was... never heard about a single issue from her until it was over, but again, I could have handled the situation better too. So yeah -- she's probably not the right one for me. Still upset and all "woe is me" over it though.

Seems like we're the same age.
Let me tell you what...
Girl's our age. Whats an easy way to put it that's forum safe... OH
"Want to find themselves"
AKA they wanna get sheeeet faced and sleep around with random dudes because it "sounds fun" and that's what "you're suppose to do at that age" instead of being loyal subjects to 1 guy.
In the end they always realize they messed up.

but that isn't a warrant for you to go crawling back, YOU need to move on. Don't get back with her no matter what, she wasted your time just to treat you like this?! screw that. you treat her like you would a rusty stuck header bolt. Once you get it out, you don't put it back in, you smack it with a hammer a few times to get out your anger, and throw it out.. and get a new one. [or maybe that's just me..]

But you get the point.
Let her be one of those girls that have to "find" herself, and then by time she realizes she screwed up she will be 26 and FAT from all that drinking and undesirable and not know what to do with herself but settle down with some fat lazy bum of a "man" in his 30s who already has 2 kids himself. You get the picture.

Depending how long you where with her, and if you stay single. its gonna suck, and its gonna suck for more then a year. I'd say if after 6-8 months you wanna jump back in with another well rounded girl then go for it, it will make the suck less.

Oh and It might help you feel better if you worked out hardcore and got super "attractive" and found a nice pretty girl that's loyal to be by your side but very easy to look at.... So when you're at the local shopping mall picking up the next iphone 14. and you bump into her working at the retail store next door, you can look over, and just smile and walk away like a BOSS.

 

[OzFab]

Fabroman, my doctor has actually recommended that I see some form of therapist. Given me the card to the local place as well. No dice.

Umm, what? Why "no dice"?

 

[Badot]

Umm, what? Why "no dice"?

You said take the steps towards it including seeing a general practitioner so my parents realized I'm taking it seriously -- she (GP) recommended I see a therapist, and it didn't make a difference with my parents.

My parents are kind of the... well my dad basically says "Talk to your mother" and my mom (who's a nurse, go figure) will usually say something along the lines of "Well I have this and this and this and they'll just put you on drugs anyways so listen to this meditation CD instead"

Then not only am I left laying there awake trying to sleep at night, I'm also expected to listen to some goofy music with gongs and chimes which seems like they have the opposite of the intended effect.


And J_Walker, yeah, I've seen my fair share of those ones. There's a reason it's generally a bad idea to try to find girls at clubs or bars

Actually, the working out is kind of a test right now. I've always looked skinny as a rail even though I'm fairly strong so I'm really interested to see if anything noticeable changes. I'm gaining a bit of weight so far at least. We'll see what happens.

 

[crazykart]

Ok let me put it this way:

Only you can change you. You are an adult now, do as far as seeing a therapist your parents really have no say. Get your but up, pick up the phone, and make an appointment, you already have the go ahead from your Dr.

If your parents won't take you, and you havn't bought your own vehicle yet, well there's walking, a bus, taxi, or a bike, so figure out which best suits you.

It's up to you to make yourself better, no one else, time to start being self sufficient for the good of yourself.

I'm pretty sure I'm not far off from your age, but I'm also not so young that I still think the world has to serve me, so let me tell you from that middle ground that you have to get off your but and do things for yourself, or forever suffer the consequences.

 

[Poboy kartman]

OK...(Unless I missed something....)it's been danced around....talked around....maybe even directly correctly answered....(I think it was)....

But here's the skinny.....while the romantic arts like to use: "She makes me complete...." It's a misnomer.....

It's a little hard to understand...but FIRST, you have to be complete..only then....can the "Magic" of a woman making you "complete" be realized...

You cant rely on a partner to be an enabler.....you must face and conquer your own demons first.....

Think about it.....you are coming to terms with your flaws....but you have to put yourself in your potential mates situation.....relive those issues....and then think if you would want to continue a relationship with someone who did the same thing.....

The other thing that always helps put things in perspective...is look hard at your potential mate....and ask yourself....if an accident made it impossible to have sex for the rest of my life....would I still want to be with this woman..???

NOW.....what if it were her instead of you???? True soulmates would stay together without blinking an eye..?

 

[J_Walker]

And never date a girl with mint green hair...... And wears flower patterned clothing... 10 times out of 10, she will be the crazy triggered tumblr girl... lmao

EVER.

 

[Badot]

Only you can change you. You are an adult now, do as far as seeing a therapist your parents really have no say. Get your but up, pick up the phone, and make an appointment, you already have the go ahead from your Dr.

But I can get myself kicked out! I live by their rules for now, unfortunately, and I'm still under their insurance too.

And never date a girl with mint green hair...... And wears flower patterned clothing... 10 times out of 10, she will be the crazy triggered tumblr girl... lmao

EVER.

Sounds like you're speaking from experience lmao. Yeah. Tumblrina is the word I think.

 

[crazykart]

So you going to a therapist would get you kicked out...? Geesh wow.

 

[J_Walker]

So you going to a therapist would get you kicked out...? Geesh wow.

I've known parents like this m8. its a real thing... he isn't just making excuses. dated a girl with parents like that..... its sad but true. not all of us have 10/10 would let parent again parents.

Edit; also if you're in a situation where you need a therapist, you're not going to be willing to fight with the people you're forced to live with? don't bite the hand that feeds you sorta thing. its sorta the same mindset behind abusive relationships, they are comparable in a way. It just becomes normal to you, and someone telling you its not, is like you thinking pickles are gross, and someone else telling you they're rather tasty.

And lets say he has enough fight in him to be convincing enough to see a therapist. Everyday he goes, is just gonna be anxiety for him because his family will make him feel bad for going because its not what THEY think he should do.



Also never knew Tumblrina was a thing. lmao good to know.

 

[OzFab]

You said take the steps towards it including seeing a general practitioner so my parents realized I'm taking it seriously -- she (GP) recommended I see a therapist, and it didn't make a difference with my parents.

My parents are kind of the... well my dad basically says "Talk to your mother" and my mom (who's a nurse, go figure) will usually say something along the lines of "Well I have this and this and this and they'll just put you on drugs anyways so listen to this meditation CD instead"

Then not only am I left laying there awake trying to sleep at night, I'm also expected to listen to some goofy music with gongs and chimes which seems like they have the opposite of the intended effect.

Everyone handles different situations differently & everyone reacts to things differently; here's an example:

I'm not the only member of my family who suffers with depression, there's a few of us, some worse than others...

My sister who's 12.5 months older than me was given the same medication I have been taking for almost a decade; she had the same reaction while taking it that I had when not taking it...

As far as genetics & upbringing go, we're almost identical (if you're into astrology, we're the same there too) but, at the same time, we're very different, we don't get along, we never have, we don't see things the same way...

What I'm trying to say is just because a nurse deals with a situation one way doesn't mean the same remedy will work for her offspring, that's why there are so many different treatments available...

But I can get myself kicked out! I live by their rules for now, unfortunately, and I'm still under their insurance too.

So, try to pay for it yourself &, at your first appointment, explain the situation, the therapist should have some insight as to how to deal with it... even if it means they call your parents & explain that you do have issues that need to be dealt with...

My fear here is the worst case scenario; people in your situation need a support network; without that they feel as if no one cares & as a result, in the worst cases, they take drastic, irreversable measures (I'm not going to say it but, I know you all know what I mean...) Please don't let it get to that point!

I recently found this website & have already joined 5 different groups; you may have to search a bit but, there are anxiety support groups worldwide (as well as many other different social groups); I strongly encourage you to at least have a look...

 

[chancer]

Fabro. thanks for mentioning what you did not mention. I was wondering the same thing. I have been leary to post on this thread cuase I don't know what to say. I have also delt with depression, Saw a psch doctor after my divorce, been on medicine in the past, been to AA. Luckily for me I grew out of it after age 28. Ironically enough when I met my wife. I guess relationships can be good and bad.

Bottom line Badot, If you need some proffesional help get it, If it was not neccesary, no loss. If it is needed, things can only get better again no loss only gain.

 

[Badot]

My fear here is the worst case scenario; people in your situation need a support network; without that they feel as if no one cares & as a result, in the worst cases, they take drastic, irreversable measures (I'm not going to say it but, I know you all know what I mean...) Please don't let it get to that point!

I'm definitely not that bad. I'd just like to get the opinion of a professional on what's going on in my head. I have my good days and bad days but I feel like I have more bad than I should.

I tried looking at that meetup website -- nothing really on there in my area that interests me that appears anything close to active. I've been trying to get back into airsoft but the only group around here has switched to CQB and I've never been able to get into that playstyle. I've always run scout/stalker/harassment in the woods.

 

[OzFab]

I'm definitely not that bad.

YET! A problem shared is a problem halved; sharing with someone who is qualified to help & not judge you is never a step in the wrong direction...

On the other hand, doing nothing about a problem means it will get worse...

I tried looking at that meetup website -- nothing really on there in my area that interests me that appears anything close to active.

Well, knowing your location may help

 

[Poboy kartman]

I seriously...in all honesty...have put a gun to my head and come very close....very scarily close.....

Fortunately...I found this forum....and now...I don't have to worry about that....there are plenty of volunteers here that will do it for me now.....

Ok....so that^ was a joke....but I can joke about stuff like that....but at the time I was very depressed....and I was just going through a divorce....been out of depression medicine for a couple of months....really feeling the decimating effects of Cancer on my mind and body and financial situation.....

But.....there is one thing about the bottom of the pit of despair.....after that....everything else is up....and chances are...you'll just never go there again....(the first cut is the deepest) .....when your whole world is upside down and you survive....it gets easier ever after....

Good luck.....