No Bullying? No, BULL-ying!

[Doc Sprocket]

Surgically separated from another thread:

Like this "stop bullying" BS. Kids are turning into complete sissies. Sitting around waiting for someone else to solve their problems. Lots of you guys on here are young men. If your being bullied lose the self mutilation crys for attention and the other stupid ****. Go find your bully, look him right in the eye, and try to punch his teeth down his throat. Even if he whoops your *** this time I bet he won't try again. He'll look for an easier target. I'm just gonna shut up now. I feel a rant brewing. Don't need the big boot.

Ok, you need to get out of the past with this. I'm 18 and in college now, but from 7th-10th grade I was bullied. Don't know why, they always said just because I was me I hope you realize, though that (in Indiana at least) if you get in a fight with someone you get in legal trouble whether or not you started it. There have been several stories on the news about this too. My problem was, if I got in any type of fight, I would lose my full-ride scholarship to Purdue (where I'm now attending). So maybe people like you should shut up and think twice about what they say. If I had the choice, I would have beat the crap out of those people, but only if I wanted to spend the rest of my life paying off college.

And if you think the bullying today is harmless like it was back then, think again. I got beat up several times and bullied to the point that people thought I would bring a gun to school. One kid even got suspended for a week because a teacher saw him. It only stopped because they grew up and finally saw what they were doing.

FatCat, I'm right there beside you. Blaze- Where in all of this did FatCat's right to free speech or thought go? How's about this:

So maybe people like you should shut up and think twice about what they say.

Maybe people like you oughta stand up and defend yourselves! Cuz, I gotta tell you- Bullying can ONLY exist where there are folks willing to be bullied.

Yeah- I know- somewhere out there, some of you just hacked up a hairball on that one. Maybe I oughta shut up, too? Not a chance, partner. I have YOUR experience, AND somebody else's. I got bullied, too. From when I was quite young, all the way into my teens. Wanna know how/when it stopped? I bloody stopped it. That's right! I stepped up to the plate, and one by one, started looking those jerks in the eye- with pure FIRE in my eye! Guess what? It stopped. Hmmm.... Word got out pretty dang quick that Chris wasn't gonna take your crap anymore!

Blaze- You make the ASSUMPTION that it has to go to violence. Did it ever occur to you that it's not always the case? I gotta tell you- Maybe 10% of my bully-back confrontations actually got physical. Often, a show of force will do it.

In addition- BOTH my children have been bullied. Go ahead- Guess what stopped it! Guess!

I'll tell you what else- around here anyways, everywhere you look in the school systems, you see a "Zero Tolerance For Bullying" policy. Yeah, well, I got a "Zero Tolerance For Bullspit" policy. Lemme tell you- the schools talk the talk, but they don't walk for spit. Nothing. Do you know how frustrating it is as a parent when you actually try to teach little Johnny to do "the right thing" (PC- Tell the Teacher, ETC) and they repeatedly do absolutely nothing?

As a parent, I will be dammed if my kids are going to be pushed around with no end in sight. So what would you propose?

One final thought here- I would MUCH rather pay my way through school with my integrity, self-respect, and courage intact... Just sayin'.

Dizzzcuss!

 

[jfxwave]

 

[HaM551]

wow

 

[exenos]

I found that just standing there with the "I don't give a s#@!" face staring them in the eye just freaks them out, they're used to getting a reaction. Most probably won't know what to do. That's the best way I found to keep it from getting physical.

The whole "tell a teacher and it'll magically go away" is the most idiotic idea ever, it just teaches the kids to always depend on someone else and not on themselves. I've been lucky and have had two teachers who I know would do something about bullying, and one of them did. The situation was that a guy shoved me out of the way, then I gave him a good slam into the lockers, not one of my smarter moves because I ended up flying across the hallway ( keep in mind this was a grade nine slamming a grade 12 into the locker). The teacher saw all of this, ignored it then kept me back at the end of class to tell me that he was proud of how I handled the situation and didn't let my self get walked all over, as well during that period he had went and had a chat with the gr.12 to make sure it didn't happen again. And guess what? That was the end of it. No big fuss and a real resolution to the problem.

That is how bullying should be taken care of. It can't be a let some one else solve my problems.


Edit: just read 91blaze's post and thought that it came across as blaze almost bullying fatcat, kinda ironic.

 

[91blaze]

The only reason why I posted that is because I'm tired of people blaming the bullied kids. Saying that it's their fault that some a-hole wants to feel powerful by picking on someone smaller than them. It sounds like you guys are defending the bullies, really?! I didn't want to be bullied. I was smaller than all the other kids and I'm not a fighter. When I did try to stand up for myself, you know what happened? I would get ganged up on by several people. There's no real way of stopping bullying, but don't blame kids for getting bullied.

exenos: I'm in no way a menacing person, the whole staring thing didn't work for me. And every time a teacher got involved, it actually got worse. Seriously though, since when did standing up for myself become bullying?

I'm not a terrible person and in no way did I deserve to be bullied. Since I've got out of school, I've had those same people contact me to apologize for what they did. They knew that what they were doing was wrong and have admitted that they had no good reason for doing what they did.

Why don't you guys think about this a little while. Going back to fatcat's post, every time I tried to fight someone and lost, you know what, they kept going. It didn't make them think any different about me. Actually, it made them more determined to bully me because they knew I wasn't capable of stopping them.

 

[Doc Sprocket]

The only reason why I posted that is because I'm tired of people blaming the bullied kids. Saying that it's their fault that some a-hole wants to feel powerful by picking on someone smaller than them. It sounds like you guys are defending the bullies, really?! I didn't want to be bullied. I was smaller than all the other kids and I'm not a fighter. When I did try to stand up for myself, you know what happened? I would get ganged up on by several people. There's no real way of stopping bullying, but don't blame kids for getting bullied.

exenos: I'm in no way a menacing person, the whole staring thing didn't work for me. And every time a teacher got involved, it actually got worse. Seriously though, since when did standing up for myself become bullying?

I'm not a terrible person and in no way did I deserve to be bullied. Since I've got out of school, I've had those same people contact me to apologize for what they did. They knew that what they were doing was wrong and have admitted that they had no good reason for doing what they did.

Why don't you guys think about this a little while. Going back to fatcat's post, every time I tried to fight someone and lost, you know what, they kept going. It didn't make them think any different about me. Actually, it made them more determined to bully me because they knew I wasn't capable of stopping them.

I certainly hope you aren't suggesting that I blame the bullied kids. I blame the bullies- fully and completely. But there's a lot to be said for empowerment. Why? Because nobody's going to help the bullied kids. They need to help themselves. You think I blame my kids for being bullied? Nope. Not a chance. And it hurt me to see it. I remembered when I got it. Every parent wants their kids to have things better than they had it. So instead of just letting them suffer, or blaming them, or whatever, I taught them to throw a punch- and gave them this protocol-

1) Tell the bully to find a new hobby, and walk away
2) If he persists, tell the teacher/bus monitor/ overseeing adult- this is in accordance with school policy, which isn't worth crap- but has to be done, to back up step 3-
3) Drill the kid. Yes- speak his own language. if we've reached step 3, then obviously nothing else is working. My kids know this is a last resort, and won't do it unless it has to be done.

I have spoken to the powers that be at the school, with regards to a particularly persistent bully. I have made it abundantly clear that if they don't act upon their own policy and get this little turd under control, my son has my full support in re-arranging the kid's grille. If the school tried to punish my son for defending himself when the school won't, then 3 things will happen. One: It'll be like friggin' Christmas- I'm going to give my son a bunch of gifts, show him a good time, maybe take him to an amusement park, and REWARD him for his behaviour. Two: I'll take this up the chain of command- to the school board and beyond- that they will protect a bully, and punish a kid for not "taking it". Third: and this is a last resort- Go public. Whether it's the media, Social Media, advertising, word-of-mouth- whatever. I won't go there unless I have to, but it's on the table. F You.

So, no- I don't blame bullied kids, I want to support and empower them. I think what FatCat was trying to say was that crying about it isn't going to help, and the school isn't going to help- so you'd better help yourself!

One other point- Blaze- nothing wrong with being a nice, peaceful person. The planet would be a great place if everyone was! I was (and am), too. But sometimes that stuff just doesn't work. You commented about trying to stand up for yourself, only to get ganged up on. Maybe I was lucky, maybe the act worked, maybe I had a horseshoe in an uncomfortable place- but that's EXACTLY what cemented my reputation. It was my tipping point. I had 8 or 9 kids all circle around me one day- I think I was about 17. They were all trying to intimidate me. Well, I frigging lost it on the entire crowd. I just started picking guys and advancing on them. "Which one of you ****ing ***holes want to go first? C'mon, who's got the ****ing balls to die today? Who's first? Gimme somebody?" Etcetera. The next thing I know, I'm chasing a kid who is easily a foot taller than me, and he's making a beeline for the principal's office, so I don't break him...

Yes- It was a gamble. And it paid off. You'd be amazed how fast word travels.

All I'm trying to say is: Don't take it. Nobody should have to.

 

[fowler]

well i was bullied in primary school and in high school
in high school i was at boarding school and my parents were 700km away
they sure as hell couldn't help and the boarding masters preferred we boys sort it out amougst our selves

Friends are good

i used Friends to help bully the bully

there are two types
either psychical or mental

the psychical ones ain't too bright so its easy to repeatedly embarrass them in front of there pier group then they are no longer the cool ones and it stops
or if it comes to it the very effective method is to spread horrible rumors about them that there not very bright mates believe and shun the bully
i did this to one guy who ended up breaking down in tears
sounds really horrible but after 4 years of abuse i feel no sympathy

as for the guys that talk crap well a good crack to the teeth usually shuts them up
theres a saying (or a chant rather) talk sh** get hit that usually avoids fights

of coarse theres some bullieing by the older groups to the younger ones but u are always going to see that and usually just gotta put up with it till u are no longer the newbie

 

[Orange Krate]

Watch this PSA against bullying.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkFc7Uk6Hx0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

 

[FatCat]

Originally Posted by 91blaze
Ok, you need to get out of the past with this. I'm 18 and in college now, but from 7th-10th grade I was bullied. Don't know why, they always said just because I was me I hope you realize, though that (in Indiana at least) if you get in a fight with someone you get in legal trouble whether or not you started it or not. End quote

Out of the past? This isn't the past. It's happening today. They didn't do it because "you are you". They did it because you let them. That's why. How many 7th graders do you know that have been incarcerated for getting in a scuffle at school? If you would have handled it then it probably wouldnt have even been an issue those later years. You were worried about a full ride from grade 7-10? I call bull****! Stop making excuses. That's all that is. At that age if you wouldve split my head open a bunch of little *****'s would fall out. School was the last thing on my mind. And I agree with Toystory on working and paying my way through college whilst keeping my backbone.

Quote: blaze: The only reason why I posted that is because I'm tired of people blaming the bullied kids. Saying that it's their fault that some a-hole wants to feel powerful by picking on someone smaller than them. It sounds like you guys are defending the bullies, really?! I didn't want to be bullied. I was smaller than all the other kids and I'm not a fighter. When I did try to stand up for myself, you know what happened? I would get ganged up on by several people. There's no real way of stopping bullying, but don't blame kids for getting bullied. End quote

I never blamed the children for being bullied. They don't have control of that. What they do have control of is how they handle the situation. Would you really recommend that someone else just cowl down like you did??? Why would you want someone else to go through that. You should feel strongly about teaching kids to nip bullying in the bud. Learn from the experience. if the bullied don't do something about bullies who is gonna? Again are we waiting for someone else to solve our problems? Reality check young man. The only person who gives a **** about your life and your problems is you. If you don't handle your problems they will never go away. Stop waiting for others to do it for you.

 

[FatCat]

This is reading a lot like a victim mentality. And please note I was never a bully. I don't like that ****. If I would've seen a small guy getting bullied I would've probably busted the bullys *** myself.
I'm also a very calm, nice person. That being said Ive also got a very short fuse for when it comes to trying to intimidate me. It was very clear in my parents house to defend yourself. Or else your really gonna get it when you get home! Fear is a great motivator. Usually you'll find bullies to be the most scared of them all. That's why they're bullies. They don't believe they're tough(cuz they're usually not) so they take their show on the road. Then people who bow down reassure them. Toystory nailed it! That's how it's done. Hardass running for the principal. I bet they all said I'm gonna leave that crazy SOB alone!

 

[Doc Sprocket]

Obviously, between my own experiences and my kids, this is a strong subject for me. I moved it into a new thread because I want to see several folks' perspectives and experiences.

 

[kendelrk]

i go to a school with a zero violence policy. if i were to get bullied, i could go to our school office, tell someone, both me and the bully would sign a paper that says if he hits me he'll be suspended and ill remain, why? because i spoke up. ive been bullied, ive gotten into a physical fight, but guess what? not anymore. I'm allergic to stupid **** and even though i may not have a scary, in your face stature, once i stand up to a bully they go run like a dog with its tail between its legs. people who just take it need to learn to do something, weather its telling a parent or knocking a kid on his ***. FatCat and toystory, im with you guys

 

[Doc Sprocket]

i go to a school with a zero violence policy. if i were to get bullied, i could go to our school office, tell someone, both me and the bully would sign a paper that says if he hits me he'll be suspended and ill remain, why? because i spoke up. ive been bullied, ive gotten into a physical fight, but guess what? not anymore. I'm allergic to stupid **** and even though i may not have a scary, in your face stature, once i stand up to a bully they go run like a dog with its tail between its legs. people who just take it need to learn to do something, weather its telling a parent or knocking a kid on his ***. FatCat and toystory, im with you guys

The only problem I have with that, is this:

me and the bully would sign a paper that says if he hits me he'll be suspended

It seems nice that your school will actually do something. However- that agreement says "if he hits you". That's only one little bit of the puzzle. You can still be verbally bullied, psychologically, too. Even physically, without a hit. What about that?

 

[91blaze]

You were worried about a full ride from grade 7-10? I call bull****! Stop making excuses. That's all that is.

What, so kids in grade 7-10 can't think about the future? In 7th grade I was guaranteed a full ride scholarship if I kept my grades up and stayed out of trouble. Why is that so hard for you to believe?

Would you really recommend that someone else just cowl down like you did???

Did you not freakin read what I wrote? I tried to stand up for myself and got beat up worse. I guess it's my fault that I was smaller than everybody else.

It seems to me that toystory at least understands but you still can't get it through your thick skull.

 

[91blaze]

i go to a school with a zero violence policy. if i were to get bullied, i could go to our school office, tell someone, both me and the bully would sign a paper that says if he hits me he'll be suspended and ill remain, why? because i spoke up. ive been bullied, ive gotten into a physical fight, but guess what? not anymore. I'm allergic to stupid **** and even though i may not have a scary, in your face stature, once i stand up to a bully they go run like a dog with its tail between its legs. people who just take it need to learn to do something, weather its telling a parent or knocking a kid on his ***. FatCat and toystory, im with you guys

Believe me, I got everyone up to the principal involved. Most of my bullies were kids that got suspended alot and didn't care if they got in trouble. I've seen many kids get suspended for trying to stand up for themselves in a fight and I didn't want that.

 

[Doc Sprocket]

I would consider you the exception, not the rule. My older son is 12, and in grade 7. There is no way college/university/scholarship is on the table for him or his classmates right now. Post-secondary education is a bit of a reach from elementary school. Kids his age are still a long way out from knowing what they can/will do for a living, much less figure out where to train for it.

(Never mind the fact that I'm nearly 40 and STILL nowhere near my chosen field... pro fishing)

 

[kendelrk]

The only problem I have with that, is this:

It seems nice that your school will actually do something. However- that agreement says "if he hits you". That's only one little bit of the puzzle. You can still be verbally bullied, psychologically, too. Even physically, without a hit. What about that?

In the eyes of my state, its learn to live with it. they could care less about it, but when it comes to getting physical they dont want any of that. as for blaze, i know your state as well as mine has a youth assistance program. if you get into a physical fight you're sent there for 10 weeks for once a month meeting and after the 10 weeks they remove it from your record, your only charged with hospital bills if there are any, so how can it stay on your record when its erased from the system? i dont see it preventing your scholorship if its not there

 

[augidog]

i've observed the steady de-sensitization of school-age people over the last couple decades. there was always bullying, but there wasn't always extremely violent video games, or facebook & youtube that encourage the extreme for revenue, or primetime shows that strive for as much "in your face" as they can muster...and there wasn't as much social apathy, or as it can be more rightly called...cowardice.

if you see someone being outright bullied, and don't step up, at least with words of disapproval, you're a COWARD.

bully the bully, all day every day...with word and deed...if there's a way to officially sn-yatch on that b-yatch, do it...if there's nothing official, then as a group you can make use of a barrage of shaming remarks, publicly & loudly. swarm them at lunch, in the halls, on the bus, shame the sh-yat outta them every chance you get.

society is a group, like it or not, and there's some things we simply have to work on together to solve.

"zero-tolerance" is a term that's thrown around a lot, and abused or misused almost every time i hear it. what used to be basic social civilness for a greater good has become "victim mentality"...well, guess what cowards, seems to me you're practicing zero-tolerance of anything that throws the ball back into your court...if you stand by and do nothing, or attack sensitivity as overkill, then you too are being bullied into becoming a useless wart on the gnat's butt.

young bullies, unchecked, grow up to be adult bullies...do the math, look around, read the news...then start doing something about it...or don't.

if you're not part of the solution, then you ARE part of the problem.

now, i'm going to exercise my freedom (and ethical obligation, imo) to speak by expressing my opinion about someone else's use of the freedom: personally, i don't think a 40 year old man should be casually bantering about porn to young folks who are for the most part underage and surely not equipped yet to understand the joke in it's proper context. there's that pesky "desensitization" in action...and it gets passed on from adult to youth with every new casual joke about potentially serious issues.

we like to say this isn't a "tribal" issue & that folks need to take more individual responsibility for their well-being. well, news for you, we are a tribe...just not a very good one.

 

[FatCat]

What, so kids in grade 7-10 can't think about the future? In 7th grade I was guaranteed a full ride scholarship if I kept my grades up and stayed out of trouble. Why is that so hard for you to believe?


Because I am was born at night but it wasn't last night.



Did you not freakin read what I wrote? I tried to stand up for myself and got beat up worse. I guess it's my fault that I was smaller than everybody else.


There is no such thing as a problem without a solution.


It seems to me that toystory at least understands but you still can't get it through your thick skull.


Perhaps if you had a better attitude you could make friends with someone who is bigger than you? Just a thought

 

[FatCat]

personally, i don't think a 40 year old man should be casually bantering about porn to young folks who are for the most part underage and surely not equipped yet to understand the joke in it's proper context. there's that pesky "desensitization" in action...and it gets passed on from adult to youth with every new casual joke about potentially serious issues.[/QUOTE]

Oh go back to your hole. If someone is smart enough to log on to this forum they can handle the term porn. There was nothing remotely inappropriate said.